OPINION: On rightness

OPINION: On rightness

Let’s face it Vanderbilt: being right-handed is under attack. During my over two and a half years at Vanderbilt, I have been dismayed by the lack of attention paid to this issue. If we really pride ourselves as being a campus of equity and equality for all, why have so...

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BREAKING: Chad Floored by Rampant Halloweekend Cultural Appropriation

BREAKING: Chad Floored by Rampant Halloweekend Cultural Appropriation

  NASHVILLE, TN: In an astounding turn of events, Chad, of an undisclosed “top tier” house, reported yet another incident of cultural appropriation on Halloweekend. A reportedly “absurd” amount of party-goers were decked out in traditional Risky Business attire, flaunting the look without regard for the storied traditions of Vanderbilt...

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Vegetables: A Liberal Conspiracy

Vegetables: A Liberal Conspiracy

For decades, liberals have been conspicuously promoting the consumption of vegetables in our society. The latest transgression, and arguably the most sinister, was Michelle Obama’s incessant forcing of vegetables on young children. She even put pressure on school districts to conform to mandatory vegetable requirements. Innocent school children often have...

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Healthcare In Animalia

Healthcare In Animalia

Far away, in a land called Animalia, the animals prepare for the winter. It will be one of the coldest winters in recorded history, so it is imperative that the animals look out for each other so that everyone can survive. There was a law in place that allowed some...

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Superhuman “KT” Brings Phi Psi Formal Bus to Justice

Superhuman “KT” Brings Phi Psi Formal Bus to Justice

Over the past semester, multiple Greek organizations have found themselves in hot water with Vanderbilt’s Greek Life Office for allegations of hazing, unregistered events, and an overall lifestyle of debauchery. But Vanderbilt alone cannot fight the awesome might of its own Greek system; the university needs a hero to keep...

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The Hidden Voices of Vanderbilt

The Hidden Voices of Vanderbilt

With the 2016 election finally behind us, some have hoped that the divisiveness that marked it would cease.  Unfortunately, as Donald Trump’s administration begins, we remain bitterly divided.  In the hopes of finding common ground between sides, I reached out to two members of the Vanderbilt community.  One is an...

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Trump Supporters Call to Abolish the Popular Vote

Trump Supporters Call to Abolish the Popular Vote

Many Americans have expressed dismay at the Electoral College as Hillary Clinton’s lead in the popular vote rises to almost two million. Movements have been started calling for an end to the institution. However, in light of Trump’s claim that “millions of people” illegally voted, some Trump supporters are calling...

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Far Right Calls for a Return to the Articles of Confederation

Far Right Calls for a Return to the Articles of Confederation

Congressman Smith from Tennessee’s 10th Congressional District has stuck to his campaign promise of “returning America back to the good old days” with the Articles of Confederation, announcing plans to abolish the US constitution in the coming months. “Transgenders in my bathrooms! Free abortions! Political correctness! What’s going on with...

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Vanderbilt Protest Calls for Safe Space for Anti-Vaxer Students Amid Flulapalooza

Vanderbilt Protest Calls for Safe Space for Anti-Vaxer Students Amid Flulapalooza

NASHVILLE TN – With preparations for Flulapalooza underway, select members of the student body have expressed staunch opposition to the pro-vaccination event. Freshman from Gilette, Autumn Riversmith, has voiced her concerns over an event that is in blatant support of vaccinations… and science as a whole. “I just really think...

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A Recap of the 2032 Republican National Convention, Day 3

A Recap of the 2032 Republican National Convention, Day 3

  I walked into the cavernous stadium and took my seat in the designated press section.  Delegates and spectators milled about on the floor below, brandishing weapons, cowboy hats, and dual-sided signs that read “Make America Great Again, Again” and “Build that Dome!” I spotted Bob Dole being wheeled into...

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